coolest blog ever. and cats!

 welp. im meant to make a post to look classy so that i can promote my website but of course stupid me puts deep diary entries to promote myself. im very embarrassed about them just so you know, but i wont take them down because im not sure how to delete a damn blog.

what if somebody comes on this website and is like 'well this is a weird rabbit hole i've fallen into. where is this girls actual music?? its just her damn diary!'

well to introduce you IDIOTS, it is my website and i do what i want! im a almost 18 year old girl *aug 11*, im quitting fucking around and taking my shit serious. you stumble across my blog you feel niche. but over time, ill be like the deviantart artists who make crossover drawings between cartoons, except its celebs and cartoons.

shit, why do i make you guys feel homely here like you already know all about me? do you even know what a deviantart is?

i need a straightforward description like they do on those damn twitter profiles, you could tell who's a stan and who's a musician. you can tell who's an artist and who's a nerd. here ya cant tell. im a mix of them all.

why does my website and banner look professional but im not famous? cause im a damn computer. i am a GENIUS. AI NEEDS ME. you can hire me as a photographer, a editor, a animator, an artist in GENERAL. thats the side of me people dont fucking know, so dont FUCK WITH ME if youre a doubter.

what the hell else do i do? well, let's figure it out.

when i was little, i'd watch MTV all day and wish I was a popstar, but my mom always catered me to be a doctor since it pays the most. yes, at like 5. however, don't come at my mom, she just didn't have much idea what i was about. but quickly i developed a love for the arts thanks to my grandparents aka my moms parents. tataie lica also played instruments and so did i. i played his violin. did yall know my grandpa lica made his own violin from scratch? im reminiscent of that. everything i do is from scratch. from shirts to 3D glasses and perhaps a computer if i was given the chance.

oh right, yall dont even know my name! my name is MS. RIANNA. QUEEN RIANNA. MS.THE-LESBIAN-YOU-EMASCULATED-HOES-GO-AGAINST RIANNA. i think you'll see more of me once i blog vacation pictures to show i actually have a LIFE.

who wants a blog of my current playlist of what i'm listening to? i'll give it. just wait. this is my featured public blog i want people to see. the shit seems so niche. a blog? really? no twitter? well FUCK TWITTER. my  website is better. it's 'CUSTOMIZABLE'.

what's on my mind? making speedpaints like i always wanted to when i was little. those FNAF anime ones. except i'll draw a celebrity perhaps. don't know.

do i have to shout random things i love out to get more attraction? kay. CLONE HIGH! DAN VS! OLD TECHNOLOGY! PASSION PIT! IPODS! IPHONE 3RD GENERATION! NICKI MINAJ! CHILDISH GAMBINO! EMINEM! TAYLOR SWIFT! ARIANA GRANDE! HOMESTUCK!

what do i hate? ugly cunts. a lot of pussies who throw rocks but hide their hands. shut tHA FUCK UP! ill spit on you. ya ugly, ya like object show replicates, ya ugly. think youre so edgy but the moment i call you ugly you put on weezer. 

lemme take my meds. its 12:00 AM exactly. i'll be right back when i finished taking my 7 pills. and im NOT EVEN EXAGGERATING.

12:01 AM. damnnn. that was the fastest ive taken my meds. i mean its probably 6, cause the 7th i don't consider a pill i consider it candy. it tastes awesome so suck my balls.

shit, i'm meant to put a pic at the end of each blog but i wanna do it midway. if you see a random picture somewhere, i added it just now. haha.

well it's 2 am and i forgot to write anything further for this blog. have at it guys. my FIRST professional blog!!!! have a lovely night you guys.

regrets. ???? NO. LUL. lul=a funny way of saying lol? like. lel. wait i just researched it nevermind.

 welll.....hey blog..... i guess i hate being autistic? ok no. but on a serious note, i'm scared i overshared so much about myself. i've been so burnt out. i don't even feel like talking. i'm too much of a scheme person like i scheme and overanalyse everything i do to look perfect to the public.

i'm struggling so much. 

man what do i do......distance myself from everybody? hope so! but i gotta move out and............yada yada yada.....................be friends with my new roommates.......................ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

i dont wanna meet anyoneeeeeeeeee im so damn tired. who is reading this?

okay but honestly i am getting better at my mental health. like. im not on social media as much as i used to be. welp. see i stay all day all hours on social media doing nothing with my life. 

THE TIME IS GOING

OKAY. you know what. fuck it. i love blogging! i love my life! i quit trying to live my life like you guys! im gonna download the old version of spotify and hope i dont get viruses. because it is what? two thousand and ten for me every day.

disipline. discipline. how do you spell it

someone should make a saying, to have fun, is to discipline yourself. proof? don't question me. - rianna 2024.

IM AWESOME AS SHIT. IM AWESOME IM AWESOME WHEN IM NOT ON SOCIAL MEDIA.

you know what, sometimes you gotta feel 'TOO SAD' to finally get sick of it./ oh my god this switch up in my single blog? i think it's  because im consecutively blogging without any apology hahahahahahahahaha. this is what not having a mental illness is like XD

see. i should make a guide on how to truly feel happy-nostalgia mode- first step: use XD. okay ill actually make that a blog, yall just gotta comment down below and ill also make playlist of songs i like haha.

sorry tavros looks adorable i wanted to just share you guys a pic of him.

also, this song coincidentally started playing https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=j6nlQJpHOng

and suddenly I FEEL FREAKING AWESOME?!!? THANK YOU GAMBINO! his words of wisdom are true. true true true.

OKAY..........BLOG........ I FINALLY GOT FAITH. LET ME MAKE A GUIDE NOW CYAAAAAAAAA!!!!!! AHAAAAAAAHAHAHAAHAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

get my life back together!

ughhhhhhhhhh. hey blog. hey hey hey. it is 2 am rn. ok no. 3. i made some blogs, i forgot what days i made them on, but this will be shown up as my most recent blog as ill edit my other blogs i never posted, as in ill edit them to look like they were posted on the days they were made- yes i am guilty of overwriting and still never finishing. why do i even blog? why is anyone even interested...

no. i sound like a pussy. i should blog cause i fucking want to!

updates?? ermmmm im moving out very soon. not excited. but ill have a cool room. ill move out every year at this point so ill decorate my room with new stuff...

but here is an apology...ive fallen victim to social media and oversharing more than ever.

fuck. its 4 am. i just spent an hour on twitter. where does the time go. anyways. i fully deleted all my social media. but i keep downloading it again. so im just thinking i need to either stop using any devices or just disipline myself.

ughhhh. i got a lot of things to do.

fuck my stupid life. i keep having things on my mind i wanna blog about, but i keep forgetting, because they all come at once to my brain then leave and when they do come, im not even on my computer to blog.

well. ok.well. i need to promote my music. but i feel like its cringy. cringe cringe bad to do so.

im not even a celebrity, and my website looks like a celebrity's.

i hate my life. im meant to move out soon, but i do nothing but tweet. well well well. i'd rather it was blogging. 

it feels like everyone around me is getting started with their careers and everything, everyone around me is doing good, but im not. my album has been out for almost a year and ive not promoted it obviously because i have school, i had a really hard school year, im glad it wasnt 'the worst year of my life' though. but it's like... i had all summer to do stuff. don't get me wrong, i did A LOT OF THINGS THIS SUMMER ALL BY MYSELF WITHOUT A TEAM to promote my album, just haven't uploaded it. so i guess that's good. maybe im just shy.

you know, i'm always confident but it's been drained out. but you know what helps? nicki minaj. she's the reason i am so confident today...any time i am shy to post something related to my music, i remember what she says... i went to her concert and she said some words of wisdom, kind of like 'don't be the person who regrets not doing that one thing because it could've changed your life'. and plus, every celebrity started out small. i'm here to better everything.

okay okay- i promise tomorrow i'll post my interview. my first ever one... I AM SO EXCITED....I WILL ACTUALLY DO THAT..... i am getting that little motivation.

i know i'm really scared to look at myself and how i talk in this interview, i know i come off as an asshole but truly, i'm scared. i'm actually putting myself out there in the world. i'll just ignore what people say i guess.

i feel that i DO look and talk a little stupid, doesn't really show off who i am, but that's totally okay- ugh, i wish i had a team to edit these videos for me so i don't have to look at them. i just feel like, stupid. it was my first ever interview of course i was shy! but i just- dont dont DONT like looking at my face in that moment. i was so damn awkward. i feel i was...........tooo....extra......hmmmmm....

okay, i gotta get my shit together. ARGH. okay.  

but i swear, im getting my life together from this moment on- 4:03 AM. I AM GETTING MY LIFE TOGETHER!

anyways, goodnight people.

p.s. am i allowed to make a lot of labels or should i just not label anything and people just search a keyword? thank you very much.

HOMESTUCK IS BACK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

GUYS GOD DAMN HGOMESTUCK IS FINALLY BACK UP AFTER THE WEBSITE BEING BLOCKED ON MY BIRTHDAY. AUG 11.

might become a homestuck troll after this and read while eating a burger.

hey guys, i made this on august 14th and here is me typing in... august 22nd. so news, i did make a vlog. reading this part of homestuck. it was really boring. then i made other videos. stay tuned! but my laptop is not working properly after i made that video, maybe i TROLLED it.

also i learned i could make,..... dot dot dot. ugh. dot dot.... the date 2010 or whatever on this damn website. it would really fit with my theme, as im obsessed with the 2010s, but nahh..... 1. i saw other ppl do it. dont wanna be a copy cat even tho they wouldnt be butthurt. 2. my goal is to make 2024 as enjoyable as possible, you know even if it has ugly numbers..... like, UGLY,  numbers.. 2010 are such cute numbers. 2014? not really. 

maybe i need to change this mindset. goodbye yall! enjoy reading homestuck stay tuned for my new vlogs

social anxiety diary entry.

 girl...its so confusing being a girl.....

anyways... was just listening to charli xcx... but yeah i am a little worried.

i feel like my best friend hates me even if its not freaking true. i wanna cry. i struggle with ocd really badly, so any time something good happens to me i doubt it and then it manifests. i try so hard to not think about the bad assumptions, but i keep forgetting, just cause i dont outwright acknowledge them / think about them, subconciously theyre still there. i am so freaking confused. i don't wanna mess anything up.

when i became her friend, i was overthinking a shit ton. i still am. we became friends very quickly. i guess its safe for me to admit that now that i am almost in my 20s, im becoming like that 20s annoying person who has social anxiety. as much as i am open and am friends with people randomly, the people i truly care about are the ones i overthink about. friends come and go, they see my weird side, but my friend i just became friends with, i hope i dont come across as weird to her. i wanna cry. how does somebody get over their social anxiety? i feel like she hates me but i also know she doesn't.

i guess i'm scared of things that haven't happened yet. my therapist told me to write it down on a page and throw it in the bin but before that i have to write reasons why the things aren't real.

welp... girl... its so confusing sometimes to be a girl. girl girl .girl. GIRL. its so confusing smetimes to be a girl. man i dont kno wim just a girl.

its so confusing.

okay im overthinking because, whenever i call her, i feel like i dont sound enthusiastic enough, because im very shy to be honest. yes i am a person with open arms and always acting like someone i just meet is my family, but it's a forced act this time, because shes too cool for me. im a nerd around her. shes probably not even thinking anything weird, just having fun. and im overthinking. AAAAAAAAAA. what if the world was made of pudding.

i hate whenever i have what ifs thoughts and people tell me that, especially my sister. and acting like 'omg you're being overdramatic'. sorry? are you not as well?

she also really likes this one musical artist, and i am just a casual listener of him, but i know A LOT about him because i'm a researching nerd. i reckon i know more about his backstory than she does, but she like ACTUALLY keeps up with the fandom and listens to all his music. she's so nice to me. she always asks me if i listened to this one song and i say no and shes not mean about it at all, shes so nice, she is like i wanna see your live reaction. i feel like my live reaction sounded like i was making fun of him- but it wasnt really- his song was explicitly sexual so i was like omg what happened to classiness?

she sometimes says stuff about him that's sexual, and i don't judge, i don't mean to judge, but im a lesbian so i can't relate, so my replies always look judgemental even though i don't mean to sound like that.

i'm trying to remember other instances i got paranoid, but i'm kinda forgetting, which is a good thing, but i know it's gonna come back to bite me in the ass one day.

anyways, me and her always call at night time. its only been 2 days since i have got to know this girl on a more personal level, back then before the 2days we were just liking each other's posts on social media and saying little sentences then and there- and she was always so sweet to me commenting stuff and complimenting me and calling me cute nicknames. but now i'm scared that she finds out im too weird and she doesn't like me. 

if my friends and family saw this, they'd be like, this isn't rianna. she's always really confident. but i've not  been my confident self around this girl. she's too cool for me. i feel like a stupid idiot around her. my ocd is making me overthink so much.

my ocd is also making me overthink that she will find hate posts i made about her fav musical artist. truth is, i never actually hated him, i was just posting funny memes about him. i actually like him a lot. and i did even when i posted memes that sounded like hate. if she finds the posts, i'm just gonna say 'sorry i was trying to stay on trend but obviously i changed sides. i really like the artist. and i was listening to him a lot even before it was cool to hate him.' and i do now still too. but right now im really acting like i know fucking nothing about him to her lol. 

i sent her a pic of me listening to him a lot and how he was in one of my most listened to artists section. so i hope she doesn't think im a fake person. but she knows i don't know much about him regarding his actual work, but regarding his backstory, yeah! i do.

i feel like this blog is a little reassuring, but i'm just scared if she hates me. i spammed her a lot about the musical artist and she told me what is your issue, but i think it was a joke.. i double checked all the messages, and i am pretty sure i didn't post something hateful towards the artist.

i also don't want my friend to find out i was at some point also obsessing over the person who was rude to her favorite artist. i was obsessing over both if we're being real! but first and foremost it was her favorite artist that i was really getting into coincidentally. its really weird. i'd search up my posts about it to PROVE i was a real fan before the hate train but too paranoid about that. but i told her yeah at some point i was obsessing over him. and she saw. so thats good i guess. but obsessing as a casual listener of course!

i feel a little better. you know, i'm thinking of more reasons why she doesn't hate me. this is great therapy. i think i'll just go to sleep. i just  hope everything will be okay.

maybe i was just scared because this guy was stalking her and always trying to hit on her, so to tell him to leave her alone, she said it, but jokingly- i don't wanna air out her business- but i compared it to how she told me what is your issue. but when she told me what is your issue, she didnt say it in a joking way. so maybe that means it was a joke? because if she says it jokingly its like...UGH NVM IDK WHAT IM SAYING.

but the thing is she kept comparing me to him, she said she likes me and not him. idk where that random comparison was from. but shes like oh yeah i like you not him hes weird and youre the best person ever. and im like oh my god, this is too good to be fucking true! said my ocd! well. i just hope im not becoming weird like that guy because i talk about her all the time. 

i feel like this about my  best friend i had for a long time, because i had another best friend i knew for a long time who betrayed me but my other bff who didnt betray me was there for me. and we literally knew each other for almost a decade- both of them! but one of them stayed and helped me and logged in my accounts to fight the other one back. 

so i got some trust issues i guess because of this one little fucker.

i got too many trust issues that im actually doubting my friendship with everyone. same with that bitch IMAAN who fucking didnt wanna show up to my bday party she always cancels cause shes a insecure little hoe who stalks her teachers. anyways. fuck that bitch.

oop...the girl i was talking about this whole time just posted something shady and now my brains overthinking its about me. but the thing is she facetimes me herself all the damn time!

im so scared- my brains overthinking- what if it applise to me the tweet? even though it obviously doesnt in the sentence. maybe shes using cryptic messages?

HOW IS ANYONE MY FRIEND? NOW I UNDERSTAND WHY THEY ALL LEAVE ME. SORRY IM FUCKIN MENTALLY ILL! my god....

you know, maybe after a couple days my social anxiety will go away- i never have social anxiety- havent had it since i was 14 years old. anyways. um..i need to watch youtube videos on how to get over my social anxiety ASAP. i need to find a community of people with OCD or just a better therapist. my fam hates my therapist- had him for 5 years but they don't see any changes.

who am i even typing this to. oh right the world. well i am going to promote my music through this website and i guess people will see my diary entries. but its MY WEBSITE. im not TRYING to be relatable through an audience, this website is just my escapism. you know when you say a game is your escapism but then they update the game a little too much to the point where its unplayable? well this is MY website and i update it WHENEVER I! want.

god, i guess this website really is my escapism. its all about me. im promoting myself like artists did when i was younger. you know how milennial artists now are badly replicating the early 2000s? its because they dont got OCD. theyre like oh, this ist he early 2000s, but updated. like they pay homage to their icons through how media was back then and how they dressed or sounded, but they have their horrible modern spin on it. but my ocd makes me be like okay everything MUST accurately be 2000s and not with a  weird spin on it. for example, my dang website has random updates about me like a fanpage from old roblox. like do you see the thingys on the side where it says check out the new single and the new vlog and interview and shit like that?? i saw that all the time in the 2000s and accurately replicated it. my website looks like a gosh darn virus website. but not really. because its not viruses jeez. its just me advertising my content on my own page, like how celebs have their own website to do so. im just so happy to finally have my own domain- well its not really, sinceits a blogspot link but wahtever. SAME THING IF YOU ENTER THE PAGE. ITS AWESOME. AWESOMENESS. i think today im for real gonna try to fix my sleeping schedule, like i need to go outside. anyways lolol....

what shall i do now?  i guess try to edit my page.. lemme do that...

i was gonna add that i made my album by myself entirely.like the first thing that pops up.

then i was gonna edit this one interview but my ocd is making me overthink about it.

AM I STUPID? YEP.

then i gotta record shiz. like. record how to use my website with bandicam.

then promote it on the hellish app tiktok. along with the interview. i guess i need to do all those things first. but first the interview, because i need people to know who i am first IRL before they find out who i am. ugh okay im gonna edit it. its gonna be a little complicated, but im not ready for it. i will be back.... in the meantime look at this cool gif i found of lil wayne.

first not so professional but more confessional blog.

well, it's my first proper post. two previous ones were test ones. anyways. not sure if i should keep this font? let me change things up!!!

perfect. less readable. or is it readable? man i gotta find some font!!!!

let's go smaller. anyways. so... my first post..cool cool cool.... so like, there is this girl i really like. i know every girl i meet and try to get with i say 'she's not like the others' but like this time she's not, because i always dated girls who like cartoons and were like nerdy basically. but shes not nerdy, she is someone who actually has a life! wait a sec.

i forgot to mention that i still have some things to do to fix up my website. how do i archive what i have so far? i really need to find out. anyways.

this girl, shes really lovely. i need to give myself a week to see if i still like her. i mean, i'm scared but.... i think maybe i'm serious about this relationship, i mean what adult relationship isn't serious? says me who is about to turn 18 in august 11. she always asks to call me and i guess at first we sucked at texting but now we text a lot but yeah we got to know each other better today by calling for a long time. stuff is awesome. well, this is a new chapter in my life where everything is actually going great!! i hope i dont jinx it. i mean, i am moving out, i finally finished this website, i edited every interview footage and now i am ready to finally promote my music. i think it's all fallen into the right place.

i told the girl i like i just finished making a website, which is this one, but i don't want her to know about this website. LIKE AT ALL. i lied to her saying it's a website for something else. hope she doesn't find out. fuck. now i'm anxious. why am i saying all this?? let me just figure out how vague i can be so she doesn't find this.

what if my sisters will read this and make fun of me? but i kind of don't care.

okay i just read everything, stuff sounds vague. maybe i may delete this blog. i want my first blog to be about me! but this ISSSS about me. right well. i'm planning on just posting a few more blogs before promoting this. i gotta edit some stuff. it's a really busy day for me, but it's the start of the month and everything fell right into place. it's gonna be a great month. i am getting my university stuff settled today for moving out  too! everything is falling right into place. you know, i don't care if she finds this. she doesn't know it's her. NOBODY KNOWS BECAUSE IM VAGUE! anyways. vague vague vague mhm sure that is what i am.

i wrote a lot of stuff about her in my journal, which is not vague, so here i blog. why not?

i think she's just as weird as me and ACTUALLY doesn't make me feel stupid about myself and can help me fully see through my ocd.

whenever i date a girl, yes she does help me get through my ocd, but its not because shes weird as me but because she tolerates it. but this girl, shes as weird as me! i feel like...happy. shes so nice to me. i think she fell for me first. she makes me listen to chappell roan. usually i listen to rap and pop obviously and chappell is pop but i mean well i don't listen to lesbian situationship pop music. WTF AM I EVEN SAYING. shes fucking awesome, i feel like me and her can hold hands in front of my older sister and say 'WE DON'T CARE ABOUT YOUR OPINION' because my older sister always judges me! why do i seek her approval? anyways...

BRB.

sorry im back. had to do something. my mom had a cranky attitude all morning and then me and my sisters got upset with her at it then it bounced off the attitude to my sister and now everyone bonded over hating me. me? i walked out the room. ive been a punching bag my whole life so liek now i don't care. when you don't care, is when people start to feel defeat and not use you as a punching bag anymore. anywho..... im sleepy. im trying to be vague as possible. will anyone  even read this? this is like a stupid vague-diary entry, that is what blogs are for, or for when you run out of pages IRL. maybe that's a mix of both for me right now. DAMN! i shall write some advice on these blogs. hopefully people see them. 

I also need to remember the labels on this website that I need to make...

-content

-randomness

that sums pretty much all of it- wait. does it?

i swear there were 3 more, what the hell was it.

-my life

what were the other ones!?!

should i add unnecessary shit like gaming? wait. its MY website. I GET TO DECIDE..

-old technology. mhm mhm. i need my community for that. i got a whole blog coming for that one! wish i had this blog earlier to document word for word what ive done for old technology and not just from memory.

shall i talk about cartoons as well maybe? you know.. ill make those labels one day when i feel like it. but heres my first blog. maybe ill make a vlog tab!! anyways.... doodoooo dooooo..... goodbye yall. have fun in life.

oh wait i shall make a blog about my cat! hold on gotta pee.

crap. do i write the rest of my words on here or make a new blog really quickly as simple as a tweet? i don't wanna be making short blogs like tweets, that's why i made my own website. this is MY website!

okay idea for a next blog: grieving my ipod. or... shall it be.. hmm.. dang. DANG! I GOT TOO MANY IDEAS I GOTTA WRITE DOWN! should there be a blog a day? can you guys tell that i have OCD. okay. i'm gonna figure it out. ill make a new blog thread thing for like.... website updates. thats another one i guess. anyways. goodbye blog!

ASK ME!

 Q&A!!! 

ask questions here and i'll reply. please no innapropriate questions. i mean, what are you even gonna do? im gonna ignore it anyway.

here's a random photo of me LOLOL