dear blog, i can't lie my year has been really hard.
i associated myself with really dumb people by accident.
i'm just a girl that lives on her own at her dorm and i had so many responsabilities this year that other people my age that are the dumb people i mentioned earlier could never amount to!
all they do is bully online and play video games. it's really sad.
associating myself with such people made me associate with their activities too, such as being lazy.
but this week everything is going to change.
this year i learned that you are who you surround yourself with. i was like, the most hardworking person ever and this year in my life of me moving out was the only year in my life ever where i was lazy and not myself. i could barely get up and move, could barely wake up, could barely think, etc. i was paralyzed per say. nothing helped me.
i started becoming exactly who i associated with. and this time, i will only associate myself with people who do GOOD IN LIFE.
all these online people were slowly watching me die and they were doing nothing about it. this year has been really hard for me. but it is today, 17:28 PM on a fine monday, 19th of 2025, that i am getting my life back together, just like romania is because our new president is nicusor dan WOOOO! but anyways.
every day i would tell myself that i'm back on my feet, i faked it until i made it. this time it's for real. i am myself again and i can actually think thoughts and not let people take advantage of me.
people don't like autistic people so that's why me as an autistic girl was taken advantage of.
the old me would of tried to get revenge on all the rude people online, or act like i don't care about them, but they are only online. they cannot see what i'm doing. i was always a strong girl and never cared about them to an extent, but i did it so much to the point where i thought i can never be a victim.
manipulative neurotypicals at school when i was growing up would always tell me i always try to be victim. and since then i became strong and never looked at myself as one. which also got unhealthy and made me feel bad for feeling upset about people being rude.
to this day i remember every single person that has done me wrong in my past.
i have autism, automatically i am a victim in this world, and i struggle to admit it.
i struggle to admit that i was being bullied in the hopes of looking 'cool'.
i can feel what i want because these online people cannot see me in real life or read my mind. they are a bunch of young adults my age that still live with their mother and will never go to university like i did.
i know they're probably reading this blog and laughing, but i don't care.
now, i don't want to share too much of my plans because i don't want them to somewhat sabotage me ever again. - this is neurotypical mindset that is actually helpful in many cases towards us autistics.
keep to yourself your plans. and launch. out of nowhere. when you are done with the plans.
i am slowly getting my passion back. i think im almost there with the concept of having passion again. these online people made me super passionless and i can't believe it. literally can't believe it. i let a screen dictate me. i need to think of these people as A.I.
i've had people be really rude to me online as if i was a dude. they said insults to me that you would only say to a dude. i am just an 18 year old girl and people forget that. literally.
people need to stop harrassing me.
i don't want people reading this and being like oh she's playing victim. okay? let me play victim cause that is what i am. this is my first time breaking my silence on ever being a victim.
screw all the people that are small minded and can't amount to my talents.
CAN'T. AMOUNT. TO. MY. TALENTS.
i'm back on my grind. this year has been damaging and unnecessary to me- but it taught me a lot of lessons that i don't think i would of learned fast enough.
now i know who to trust in this world.
i have ambition again.
hurray to me. i did this. all on my own.
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