happy autumn heres my opinions!

 hello blog! h-e-l-l-o!

i have come to the conclusion that social media has been taken too far. like okay, we are in the generation where technology has been taken so far to the point where we die from it kinda. like, we let our smartphone do everything for us i mean thats why its called a smartphone. and i feel like this generation is making people dumber. what do you mean youre making fun of older generations but you cant even get back home without google maps lol? like. if you were put in a situation where youre like in minecraft you wouldnt know how to survive. ive felt a strong dislike towards social media for ages i feel like it should only be on the computer because nobody can carry a computer around you know?

so as the school year starts i want to be on just old devices. which is why i came here to say i have finally completed my old technology collection and can finally switch to those fully! it makes no sense what im saying but it does to me. 

i feel like the whole world needs to get off their phones and im always going to advocate for this! smartphones have made things more accessible but less fun, such as burning CD's. crazy right?

i also saw online this person saying like the reason we dont have iconic or memorable scandals anymore is because, everyones afraid of making mistakes due to cancel culture. which enables fakeness. thje same people are like, fuck corporate america fuck corporate anything, but stay moving like corporate workers. it is only corporate to be fake. if you dont make mistakes its cause everything is manufactured. corporate shoves fake morals down our throats and nobody wants to make their own opinion anymore, however i am aware of EVIL PEOPLE but they get less consequences still???

like, men can be criminals and nobody really overreacts. but a woman overreacts at a little thing and they get mad as fuck. see what i mean?

and cancel culture has always existed but i think its been overexaggerated and selective because of social media.

nobody wants to make their own opinions anymore, and i get it life was like this probably back in the day too,  but we can all agree its gotten worse  now right?

anyway... i hope we all get to make mistakes and grow as humans. and if somebody thinks to hate still even if you truly accept your mistake and move on, then theyre corporate. got a corporate mind and defeats their open minded ideals that make them actually close minded.

an actual evil person that doesnt wanna grow, is like, somebody who will publicly stay close minded and not care. why not be grateful for people who like to change?

enough of this ramble- i can go on for hours on how stupid social media is. cause in real life everyone is awesome and nice. go outside is what id say to you all. its awesome.

anxiety is not ok. its not normal. im not gonna come here and coddle you and say its ok to have anxiety and depression cause its not. thats a stagnant mindset. obviously its okay to go through it, but i need you all to work as much as possible to get out of depression and anxiety because its curable, i want you all to validate yourselves and not depend on others for validations because the truth is as an adult nobodys coming to save you, but there are people coming to destroy you. so be fucking ware. ok? 

right ok today marks the day that i!!! am going to be quitting modern devices!!! for LIFE!!!!! ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! i must find a way to contact some people i dont have their numbers yet.

anyways.... im gonna blog more i forgot how fun blogging is. one day everybody will be reading these blogs but at the moment its uhhh...like 4 people lol.

i hate people who type 'uhhhh' thats so 2020. nobody fucking stutters over text message anymore.

okay maybe some little kids do sorry little kids!lol

i guess im gonna also have a scrapbook of photos and take photos on my digital camera every day and try to record more vlogs on my ... MY NEW MACBOOK! (from 2008). unfortunately my old dell laptop i used to make my album broke. its been a good soldier. anyways.

im excited im romanticising my life finally and i remember a time where that wasnt a thing. my life is finally okay and back to its original pieces, can we celebrate!?!?!? YES WE CAN CELEBRATE!!!!!!! WOOOOO!!!!!!! 

life is so much better when im not on my phone. anyways im so excited to blog tomorrow or today who knows! happy autumn everybody! im excited for this year.

what is my album actually about?

 so... its been 4 years since ive started working on my album kind of. maybe 4 years? im not sure. but i know for sure i started working on it when i was 14/15. 

and im 19 now.

i feel like growing up now i view my album through a different lens. do i wish i wrote more less vague lyrics?  yes- but it makes listening to the album cooler.

i wanted my first album to be about me right but you know what me was? a chronically online teenager.

i always was thinking to myself, i wanna write a album that tackles the problem with teenagers going outside less and staying online more and having the worst fucking time of their lives there.

but it just hit me today, that i actually did do that. my whole album is about the concept of trying so hard to tackle online stuff.

i think it sucks so hard that as autistic people we get pushed away IRL so we tend to go online where we can also meet....not autistic people... by that i mean... we meet weirdos who arent autistic but actual weird people who resort to online.

i feel like doing a whole essay on my album. a whole commentary. but i wanted to leave that up to people. but heres my comments on it now which correlate with what i produced then:

the song cannot stop it, its about being autistic and not wanting to take shit from people anymore. and i dissed a lot of neurotypicals there who made me upset. 

but now as a 19 year old, 3/4 years from making that song now- 

i see it as this: being sick and tired of neurotypicals pushing me into isolation to the point where i end up on the worst places of earth: online. like does that make sense? i will not give into online ness.

me being autistic makes me super vulnerable and will meet like, the worst people ever. but i dont see myself as a victim to shitty circumstances. im not sure how else to describe this. but i see it as a 'im gonna get the fuck out of here sooner or later.' thats how i see that song.

i guess i see that song now as 'i wish i was neurotypical, i do a pretty good job at it, im very much normal and not a criminal.' 

as in- neurotypicals think our existence is a crime or something. and also, like i said, lets say theres an autistic teenager on the internet and they meet some p*do who takes advantage of autistic children. 

people tolerate neurotypical p*dophiles but hate the shit out of innocent autistics.

anyways. let me talk about another song off the album...

the last song. first off, i totally wanna re record it lol. 

second off, its meant to be the escapism song. where you grow out of this chronically online phase. like you GET OUT THE HOUSE.thats why my album cover is me next to my special interests in my room. 

now- heres the catch. ive always wanted to be a celebrity since i was little. but being online while a teenager or a kid, which is what i did, is so detrimental. and it got even worse when the pandemic started. so i developed really terrible OCD intrusive thoughts. in fact, i developed OCD intrusive thoughts, like really fucking terrible ones, since i was 10, so before the pandemic really. but heres the thing with the pandemic: no its not about the movements this is about people being online even more so they lose out of touch with reality. 

okay let me make this clear. obviously im with the movements, im not prejudice, but alongside all that.. there has been this thing where youre yelling at somebody online because they did something thats not even bad.

obviously as the pandemic ended, we are normal again where we cancel people for being actually terrible, but i feel like in the pandemic, i guess people were cancelling addison rae cause she was dancing to a song about eating disorders? i dont know.

does this make sense? i have always had intrusive thoughts of 'what if im a bad person, i wanna become famous i dont want anyone to hate me.' .... so this album is me unapologetically being my self while also apologising for being myself. 

i was hoping that when im 18 years old i get out of this chronically online phase, but i feel like im still here and that everyone left me here. 

now i don't know what you think of me what others think of me or what i even think of myself...

but im gonna figure that out one day.

okay rianna but what is this album actually about?!!

ill tell you: everything about online. 

im always being watched. but isnt that what i always wanted? i dont know. 

anyways... im trying to shift everybody to the right timeline with my influence. the online world is making us all so insane. and thats what ive been preaching since the pandemic started. on my album.

when people listen to just type and do you? i dont want them to think WOW LOVELY POP SONG FOR ROMANCE no i want you guys to look and see 'oh my gosh. online dating at 14 is really scary. it makes you really insecure'. in fact, dating at all when youre a teenager is scary as fuck dont do it. 

this whole album is about vulnerability. it comes from a vulnerable teenage girl. listen to it. its awesome. i think it healed current me lol especially the song 'many things' 

so what is my album actually about? its about the dangers of being online as a teenager. written from the prespective of when i was a teenager. but i was always self aware as a teenager you know? like yeah, im aware this is a terrible place. still gonna write how i felt about it though like when i was vulnerable. well, i wrote songs when i was vulnerable. and thats why as the self aware present me when i was making this album chose those songs. to show what its like to be vulnerable online i guess.

thanks for reading! - yours truly, rianna