random diary number la la la

 hey lovely people reading this,

thank you so much for all your support. life has been really hard for me this year. and still is. there are evil people out there who will watch my every step to make sure they see me fail but they never will i wont let that happen.

i struggle really badly with mental health issues. im trying so hard to get better im really trying but its so hard.

at least though? i have been writing some of my most meaningful lyrics ever through all the pain. yes it has been helping me cope, and yes it will help you guys cope too.

and despite depression, im fighting it with creativity. you guys dont know how many things ive finished making or am about to finish making to be ready to promote. all i ask of you all is to please be patient with me during these times.

thank you to those who check my website every day, those who comment and like on my videos every day, you guys are the ones really holding me together through these tough times.

unfortunately i have been born with extreme mental illness, so it is very easy for me to be extremely depressed. and there are people out there who try to take advantage of that. but you know what? we’ll see who wins in the end, me.

im a survivor unlike them. i do not want to start my career off by basing my whole identity on evil people. i will only work on praising me and my work and those around me who show nothing but love. 

i love using this website to journal. i think recently ive been trying to use it just for updates on my career cause its like hey i gotta establish myself but its taking away from my whole purpose; being against corporate, inauthentic branding. so i think since its my website i should be allowed to vent on here. but i dont wanna give too much away on my website, because it will all be on my next album.

have i started writing the next album? legit, the second i finished my first one. ive written basically three albums non stop and theyre all so different to what ive written in the past.

all the songs on once upon a rimi were written from ages 14-15 and a little at 16.

since 17 i have bettered my craft and now im almost 19. i think in that amount of time ive written three albums.

have i started producing or recording any of the songs? no. i have to promote my first album first. i need to get somewhere. 

i realized if im gonna spend time working on my next album to put as many songs out as possible, its gonna take me years, it took me three years to make my first album, so im gonna try my best to promote it.

i want the haters out there to know that, theyre gonna be in their little tiny hating spots their whole life, and im only gonna elevate further. im not letting mental illness define me.

ok so 20 mins passed since i wrote this 

am i bipolar or am i on my period? that is always the question.

okkkkkkkk well i have to remember life doesnt end at 18 there could be worse things in the world and the way im reacting to weirdos online who were rude to me is the way i would react the same when i was 9 and getting cyber bullied by people who are my age right now…crazy.

did that make sense

anyways you guys can tell im not mentally well but hey! im the one that wants to put music out there so i might as well tell everybody about it through creative ways aka my promotion

hope you all like

im very sleepy bye bye you all :) 

update: i just wanted to say out there, stay strong please. if im staying strong and fighting depression i had this whole year, you can too. and never be afraid to be vulnerable with yourself. i hope you all heal if youre going through something. stay peaceful. im here for you guys. :’[ like you are for me.

reminder..

 reminder to myself and to everybody:

i am actually the most famous musician on earth. i am so unbothered about doubters.

my name is all over billboards… my name is said at award shows. 

im the girl who happens to be super duper famous and everyone remembers me. mark my words! that this summer is MY summer and so many more summers! so many seasons are mine actually!

my purpose on this earth is to be happy fulfilling my reality of being a popstar and everybody already knows that. 

thanks for reading ;)

POSTERSSSS! :)

hey guys! i was hanging out with my sister and her friend and i told my sister to take pictures of me, and i overly directed how i wanted them to look lol. i just thought they would be random pictures but they turned out pretty good so i edited them on my computer and added the text of my name! now they look like posters. one day i will sell posters maybe haha :) one can only dream..actually its not a dream, I KNOW IT WILL HAPPEN! it will happen.

but yeah enjoy these new prints! :) shall i call them prints? i don't know..

they turned out so well! but i have a goal to get another camera for a different vision. but i'm not rich, so i have to wait, and also have to do more research to see which one fully captures my vision. i had a different vision for quality and lighting on these, but these turned out actually pretty cool and like i didn't expect. this camera i used i would like to use for night photography however or something with chiaroscuro lighting, but it works really well with shadowy/low key lit pictures as well- but not pictures out in the daytime. i am yapping too much ARGHHH! but here are some pictures :) ~ that are posters of course if anyone wants to print them out ~

~kind regards, rianna~

YIPPIEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!

problems. every human has them right? yeah.

so we should be proud of ourselves to acknowledge those problems. why?

cause why is it that in this society we are programmed to treat others nicers than we treat ourselves. if you think about it, everyone is programmed like that. we dont care about ourselves anymore in this life and we are always having to give more to others.

we have to start treating ourselves like we are a second person. but its so damn hard. we are so far into the world to the point where we are programmed to not give a fuck about ourselves.

so let's acknowledge the problem.

first i gotta say that every day theres problems about us that we do not realize- like okay for me i kept trying to find what is the problem with me but i was still broken. so i dont know when i found out the actual problem, but i found it now and a cure.

a cure for what to solve my depression i had this whole year.

i think that i had a problem. one of many- that contributed to me not being myself at all- is  that i was blogging less and less. i dont know whos reading this but thank you if you are! this is just my diary. i feel like also i was so anxious to open up about anything but now im okay i can open up about how ive been feeling.

how was i feeling? depressed. but im getting better. ive been managing my mental health issues more. i am ready to finally..re enter life again and be happy. only positiveness.

i have realized i ponder too much about sad stuff like i dwell on it but then i told myself wait this is not helping me at all. id rather feel the pain of growth than pain of being stuck in the same cycle.

i'm getting better. im very happy. i like the feeling of happiness and i like taking care of myself.

i think the main problem of all is taking care of myself. 

it is my time to shine now into the world!

i know i matter. there is no use worrying there is use to enjoying life.

it matters to enjoy life. you all shall know! 

and remember to always protect your peace. i have a hard time doing that because i have not been educated enough on how cruel the world can be. people would take advantage of me because of my autism or just because they like to take advantage of people. 

but i am not a victim of the hate i am a survivor of the hate!

it makes no sense what i am talking about right now but i am getting more comfortable with being myself in this life and blogging a lot :) and actually socialising with people because i haven't in months , like consistently. 

what do weird people hate to see me do? good. i'm here. it's all here now. be prepared for everything that is gonna come your way because you'll feel annoyed BIIIIIIIIIIIIIICH! nobody is fucking with me anymore.

POSITIVE VIBES ONLY. 

i'm back to making content and taking care of myself! i'm discipline now! 

EVERYTHING GOES MY FKING WAY!

I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT TO DO!

I DO NOT LET MENTAL HEALTH OR OTHER PEOPLE MAKE ME FEEL LIKE SHIT!

what else was i gonna say....oh yeah... IM BACK! *eminem voice

i have a brain again , i can think again, i am all okay.

some tips for me and for others who are smart enough to listen:

always invest in yourself ONLY. MORE THAN ANY RANDOM PERSON YOU MET A MONTH AGO.

always invest in your family and the friends you KNOW are real. 

how do you know theyre real? youve been friends for legit so long, almost a year at least- and you have never doubted them. you guys never fought. you guys are soulmates and they only make you feel better about yourself.

if after talking to somebody you dont feel like'damn im improved as a person' then theyre not a true friend.

always talk kindly to yourself even if you fucking hate it so much. yes i hated being nice to myself. but you have to work every day on doing that. its so easy to even if it feels fake. you fake it until you make it.

do go outside often even if you have a hard time just take a walk right after you wake up.

NOW-- there are more tips but there is something i want to highlight.

sadly you have to feel the pain for such a long time in order to have your 'that's it i am done' moment.

cause i couldve done so many things to heal myself but i was too depressed to even get out of bed. or even be awake. i did fucking nothing...

but the little things you have to do is always protect your peace.

people heal in different ways but thank fucking god i am healed now! cause the reason i ended up so depressed is because i was trying to heal other people and they wiped their ass with my kindness

ALWAYS PROTECT YOUR PEACE THERE ARE PEOPLE OUT THERE WHO ARE ENERGY VAMPIRES

always do you you only live once YOLO like drake said

but now that im actually healed i can enjoy life again.

i don't wanna sit here and write a whole book on how i healed, so i'm going to move on with my life and only focus on myself, friends, family, fans, and my career.

ALL OF YOU LOVELY PEOPLE HOLD ME TOGETHER!!!!

do not give your power away to other people.

life is for you to enjoy. and also i realized my OCD has taken such advantage of me... will not let it do that no more.

i love blogging so much :D i love you all! :DD I M SO GRATEFUL FOR ALL OF YOU WHO LISTEN TO MY MUSIC AND READ THIS AND CARE ABOUT ME.

BYE BYEEEE!

I SWEAR!

dear beautiful people that support me and read this,

you have supported me even when i was styling my hair like fucking shit!

i, rianna/rimi, from 3 am over here, i swear- that from tomorrow, june 15, I WILL! actually pamper myself to look more presentable and stop this stupid depression and actually get all my work done. oh yeah oh yeah!

this is my wake up call! that bird that stole my fries is my wake up call!

i swear- that from now on, i will never let my hair be

-undyed

-have orange roots with purple washed out hair

-WILL ACTUALLY BLEACH MY ROOTS DAILY.

I SWEAR!

legit right now im gonna make a list of things a popstar or normal person has to aquire. 

is aquire the word?

so it's spelt acquired. okay. got it. thanks google.

so yeah i am JUST putting myself out there and i do not wanna put myself out there if my hair does not look good! so yea i promise you guys.

take care bye bye! check out my new youtube video

my life lately.

 hello all you beautiful people who are very kind to me.

thank you so much for all your support. im here to say that i will be very busy this summer. i am so sorry that i have not been getting back to you all daily on my website and that i have not been promoting my music or just putting myself out there. i’m working on that.

i dont know quite if i can consider myself a celebrity but i guess im known now! that shit takes so much courage. im learning every day.

im being constantly watched online by you all and yes it does scare me but i am also super grateful. ill get used to it!

like i mentioned earlier i have been super busy and will still be. to be honest i dont know whats coming next in my career, but i am working on things again to promote my music.

i have also been overcoming depression and am actively getting help.

i feel so bad that i neglected you all. i had to take some time off to heal or else i would be a disaster out there and you could all probably tell.

however that does not mean that i havent been working on music, because i have. but i need to work on promoting my existing music. 

if you out there have been promoting my music i want to thank you so much. 

life is very strange for me at the moment and i want to be 100% in my right state of mind when starting my career. 

i don’t know what else to say right now but i will say more when i am not busy.

but stay tuned, there will be a lot coming up!

thank you so much to everyone who is super lovely to me and listens to my music :) bye bye!

~ from yours truly, rianna

IMPORTANT UPDATE ON HOW TO CONTACT ME FOR WORK PURPOSES ONLY!!

hello everyone- i had an email in my 'contact me' section of my website- i have never used that email in my life and i have lost access to it, so i have made a new one: rimisworkemailofficial@gmail.com

please only contact it for work purposes! thank you so much.

if you would like to send me fan mail please send it in the mail section of my website, but it does not let me send anything back so i am really sorry!

if you want a reply from me however i will be able to reply to you if you write under my blogs that i write. thank you so much!

--update--

i think it lets me email people back, i figured it out how.

--second update--

okay i am worried about how the mail thing works ahhhh okay im not gonna email back i dont think it even lets me anyway but yeah comment on the blogs if you want a reply back!

--final update

turns out i actually cannot email any of you back i am so sorry! so yeah if you want me to reply back to you i will on the replies of the blogs on here if that makes sense. thank youu!